US To Arm Entire Planet With Weapons By 2015 In New Terrorism Crackdown

THE UNITED STATES of America announced its intention today to arm the entire population of the earth with automatic weapons by 2015.

President Barack Obama has decided to authorise lethal aid to everyone without out a gun to defend themselves against terrorist with guns.

Operation ‘Fight firearm with firearm’ will be rolled out immediately across the world from today.

“It is a basic human right to carry a firearm for ones own protection from one another.” said the president. “If everyone is armed then we all have a fighting chance for survival, men women and children alike.”

The Obama administration said the new program will cost the US $467tn, but defended the expenditure, stating it would save ‘countless innocent lives’ in the long run. 

“There can be no price put on human life.” added an emotional Obama, who kept wiping a tear or some shit from his eye. “We hope to have abolished terrorism by 2020.”

Meanwhile at home, the CIA and special operations trainers are already running some weapons training programmes in primamry schools across the country. 

Seven year old school goer Thomas Kinsella from Portlaw, county Waterford told WWN he was delighted to receive his first ever semi-automatic handgun today, and had a strong message for would be terrorists.

“Terroirs  are always barking next door in my neighbours house and I’m gonna shot them so bad in the head.” he said to a crowd of journalists, who laughed at his blatant, but adorable mix up.