Elderly Under Home Attack Will Just Have To ‘Man The Fuck Up’, Insists Government

THE GOVERNMENT insisted earlier that elderly people who come under attack in their homes will just have to ‘man the fuck up’ and deal with the problem internally.

The statement comes just hours after a decision to halve the budget for providing personal security alarms to OAPs.

Justice Minister Alan Shatter told Waterford Whispers News earlier that the move will now only be available to qualified persons over 65 who are living alone and deemed too weak and pathetic to fight off thieves.

“There are plenty of self defence courses out there for old people these days,” said the minister. “It’s time they stood up to intruders instead of cowering behind annoying electronic security alarms.”

The cuts will reduce government spending by a staggering €1 million for 2013, roughly four times the cost of the Irish EU Presidency website.

Last week, 96-year-old Greta Lilly used such an alarm after an aggravated burglary at her home in Buncrana. Mr. Shatter said the great-grand mother could have at least ‘pretended she was going to fight back’ to deter the burglar.

“She just sat there like a pleb and rang the alarm! Sure what good is that if someone is coming to give you a beat down and rob the place blind?” he said.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny also defended the cuts, stating old people were becoming too soft these days and needed to adjust to the times: “The world is becoming a more violent and dangerous place to live. Old people need to cop on a bit and learn to defend themselves.

“They also need to stop complaining and making a nuisance of themselves every time there’s a cut.”

The changes in the senior’s alert scheme is one of a number of really important measures which will be implemented by the government this year.