Electric Ireland: Price Hikes Unavoidable As ‘Electricity Pole Crops’ Fall Victim To Wet Summer

ENERGY provider Electric Ireland (formally ESB) announced today that a new 6% increase in electricity prices was ‘unavoidable’ due to a poor yield in ‘electricity polecrops’ this Summer.

The energy firm reported a drastic drop in the number of electricity poles harvested this year and expects a similar price increase in January 2013.

CEO of the company Pat O’Doherty told WWN that a knock on affect from the poor crop will cost its domestic customers between one and €2 per week.

“It is all to do with the weather. While there has been lots of rain in various parts of the country there has been not a lot of sunshine,” he said.

“Not only do we have less of them, they are producing only half the electricity of previous years.”

Electricity poles are the main source of Ireland’s energy, producing as much as 25,000 to 30,000 kilowatts per pole.

Timothy McFee, senior analyst at Electric Ireland, said this years crops were producing only 15,000 Kw and could further push prices. He later denied reports that the price hike had everything to do with Winter approaching and not the failed crops.

“Its just a coincidence that Winter follows the electricity pole harvesting season. That’s all!”

“Unfortunately not even Electric Ireland can influence the course of nature.” he added.

Meanwhile figures from Department for the Environment show significant year-on-year rises in the cost of energy in Ireland and expects the average two month bill to be well into the five five figure mark by 2016.

According to long time Electricity pole farmer Michael Scapegoat, 2012 has been the worst year for production in his 48- year-career. “I’ve never seen it so bad. Some of the poles this year wouldn’t even power a nuns vibrator.”

The St Vincent de Paul said the increase in prices are ‘gonna fuck everyone’s shit up for Christmas this year’ and advised struggling families to set up fake electricity accounts in future and keep changing the name every 6 months to avoid paying or getting cut off.