Pippa Middleton’s arse has parted with its cheeks, after an astonishing 28 years together.
The buttocks of the younger sister of the Duchess of Cambridge announced on its website, pippamiddletonsarse.com, that the marriage was over after it’s cheeks decided to go its separate ways last week.
It wrote: “I am very sad to say that myself and cheeks have parted due to the intense pressure brought on by the media.
“Since the royal wedding we have both been analysed and scrutinised by the tabloids newspapers.
“We cannot see a future together, so we have decided to split.”
Sources close to the arse said it had a nervous breakdown late last year after the tabloids stopped printing pictures of it in their newspapers.
One friend said: “I think the sudden attention and then lack of attention brought strain on Pippa’s arse and her cheeks.”
“It was only a matter of time before they eventually split.”
Some ‘insiders’ claim that talks of a lucrative book deal by the cheeks may have also attributed to the separation.
Alex Loudon, who was going out with the ass for several years, said: “Cheeks wanted it all. The fame, fortune and the million pound book deal, but Pippa’s arse did not agree with a ‘fart and tell’ story being published.”
“I guess the arse pressure got too much for cheeks and they just had to let the hole thing go.” he added.