TV3′s Midday panel replaced with five large corn fed chickens

THE TV3 Midday panel has been given an overhaul, according to sources in the television station today.

Elaine Crowley, Sinead Ryan, Triona Mccarthy, Benedicta Attoh, Aine Magee, Fiona O’Malley and Fiona Looney, who are all regular panelists on the show, have failed to reach an agreement with the production studio over salary and dressing room sizes.

It is reported that five large corn fed chickens will replace the panel on the 1st of May this year.

It was confirmed last month that the show was being revised by TV3 chiefs as it had become ‘lame and exhausted’.

Midday had originally aired in 2008 as an opinionated News anchor forum. Viewers had to endure TV3 news presenters as they shared their magical thoughts on the world with the humble Irish nation. Needless to say ,the panel complained about absolutely everything, from not being able to use the triptronic gears on their ’09 Merc, to complaining about the price of a Mojito in Lillie’s Bordello.

Alan Cantwell’s smart alecky taunts were the main focus of the lunch time slot, while co-presenter/weatherman/chat show host Martin King multitasked all his TV capabilities as best he could into the 40 minute segment.

Then in late 2009, by some act of ‘divine inspiration’ the producer decided that maybe people didn’t want to hear Alan Cantwell’s verbal excrement anymore, instead he appointed opinionated cunt No.2 to take the reigns-Colette Fitzpatrick.

A neat little advertising campaign soon followed, but the “here come the girls” theme song was no more fitting than Fiona Looney’s frock.

Unfortunately for TV3 ‘the girls’ were middle aged (plus) women that had already been thrown off the RTE band wagon. They desperately needed new blood. Wine guzzling socialites alike were quickly tried, tested and then dumped back to their famous husbands, but not before annoying the public. The stations ‘loose women’ attempt had failed miserably.

After numerous complaints from viewers and even more death threats, the producers decided it was time for the show, as with the women, to go through ‘the change’.

In a statement last week, the studio said: ”We love the Midday girls and absolutely wanted to keep them, but unfortunately, we could not meet their salary or dressing room demands.

“While replacing these talented ladies (coughs) will be difficult, the show must go on. We sat down for hours swapping idea’s with the shows producers and we eventually decided on the ‘large corn fed chickens’ idea. It was our best option so we went with it.”

Tune in on May first for the new Midday programme.