Supermarkets Report Panic Buying Of Hair Removal Products After O’Connor Announces Search For ‘Hairy Man’


HAIR REMOVAL products were flying off supermarket shelves today after singer-songwriter Sinead O’Connor announced to the nation that she was in search of a ‘hairy man’.

Thousands of single men recoiled in absolute horror as the 44-year-old made a plea for a ‘hairy man’ on the Independent news paper and The Late Late Show this week.

Where store shelves were empty, some men even resorted to buying tweezers and Jeyes Fluid in a desperate bid to rid themselves of the now unwanted body hair.  And alongside the Veet hair removal cream, self waxing packs and razors, there was a surprise best-seller – Marmite, reflecting O’Connor’s hate for the spread.

The panic buying came following an article in the Independent newspaper revealing how the mother of four was ‘in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man’ who must not be ‘buffed and/ or waxed’, which described 99% of the male population of Ireland.

Traffic jams were also reported on routes leading to major supermarkets across the country this morning, which was spurred on by last nights latest plea for a man on the late late show.

Tesco Supermarket Manager Patrick Dunne told WWN  that he feared for peoples welfare this morning as they desperately scrambled for hair removal products in his Tallaght store.

“We had to close the doors at 10am to allow staff to restock the shelves. It was crazy. Panicked men were standing on each other, pushing and shoving, trying their very best to get their hands on some product that would rid them of this new terrible affliction.”

“Some men were even shaving them selves in the aisles as they waited to pay.”

“I wasn’t prepared for such scenes of depravity.” he added.

Meanwhile, airline ticket sales increased by more than 500 per cent at Dublin airport. A spokesman for the airport said immigrants who were worried about getting stranded here are asked to bring their own hair removal products, as they may not be available to buy in the airport shops.

Supermarkets said they were working to ensure shelves remained full, but acknowledged that with more television interviews planned for the singer, many men were buying more than they needed in case stocks run out.

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