A NEW WIT study reveals that 98pc of all female blonde drivers either own or drive a small blue hatch-back car.
The influence of stereotyping and clever marketing campaigns have duped the would be FIAT Punto customers into buying more expensive blue automobiles like the mini cooper, Peugeot 206 and BMW 1 series. Almost 95pc of all light blue cars sold in Ireland are bought by Blonde haired women between the ages of 22-47, according to new research commissioned by The Waterford Institute of Technology.
Disturbingly, the overall number of blonde’s adversely affected by this phenomenon has doubled since 2004 – when the condition was first identified in a lengthy report by Professor and all-Ireland Ludo champion Dr Mark Atkins. Today, the syndrome is no respecter of social or economic class, with every female blonde from high-level managers to Tesco till operators susceptible to the horrific impulse buy.
However, a higher percentage of hair dressers (43 per cent) bought the semi-sporty hatch-backs in the last 12 months compared with equally paid call centre workers of the same hair pigment(4 per cent).
The findings suggest that blonde haired women love driving small blue sporty cars and love the image it portraits to the general motoring public. The WIT report indicates the situation will only worsen if more and more women dye their hair a certain shade of blonde.
Dr Atkins said: ‘Jaysis boy! They’ll all be driving the fucking things next. They’re everywhere boy!”
He added: “It’ll be like that film planet of the apes, only one day you’ll wake up and every young wan will be blonde and driving a light blue mini cooper or peugeot 206. Their sick mass produced ugg wearing carcasses will be peering behind the wheel of every passing blue car you see. They’ll have cheap imitation ray-band sunglasses resting on their perfectly straightened white hair! Arghhhh!! Holy fucking shit balls!! Planet of the smurfettes!!”