Mountjoy Prison Reaches Record ‘High’ After Influx Of Really Good Crack


A LARGE number of inmates in Mountjoy prison reached an ‘all-time-high’ this week after several ounces of high quality crack cocaine was smuggled in by an unnamed prison officer.

There are currently 613 inmates serving time in the prison, out of that, nearly 95% have tried the new batch of crack. Approximately 437 prisoners have said that this was definitely their ‘best high’ since being locked up in the jail.

“Ah man definitely! Some bang off the stuff an’ all. It’s probably the best batch of crack I have ever had the pleasure of tokin’. You wouldn’t even get that on the outside man.

“Who ever brought the stuff in is a fucking ledge. I’m going back to me cell for more.” said 38-year-old convicted paedophile Peter ‘Pied Piper’ Hamilton.

Prison governor Mr. Edward Whelan said the influx of the good quality drug has not only raised the spirits of the inmates but has dramatically boosted prison workshop production by an incredible 78%.

“We are banging out furniture and various metal work items at an alarming rate right now. If we keep going like this we’ll have enough money to build a much needed extension out the back.” he said.

Mr. Whelan also stated that he did not condone the smoking of illegal drugs in his prison but that turning a blind eye now and again was part of ‘good prison policing.’

“You have to meet these people half way I think. Allot of them are re-offenders and are institutionalised. They need some bit of lea way.” he added.

A Prison Service spokeswoman said she has never seen the prisoners so happy.

“The sober prison population remains a concern, but we have brought forward measures to address this which have already had an effect,” she said.

“Since the beginning of March we have been more lenient with the prisoners, letting them mingle with each other more, thus spreading this ‘High-spirited’ behaviour.”

“However, we are not totally complacent. We do expect the high quality produce to stop flowing sometime in the near future.”

“I’ll be the first one ringing in sick that day.” she joked.

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