Finally, America gets an Olympics. It has been announced that the 2012 Obese Games will be taking place in Miami, Florida.
In a vote of high drama and nervous eating, the bustling American city of beaches, Disneyland resorts and fat retired old people, beat 17 other cities around the world for the opening of the first ever obese Olympic games.
Berlin was knocked out in the first round – in one of the most shocking defeats ever in International Olympic Committee voting. Even Tokyo, which had trailed throughout the race, did better than their sausage gorging Aryan cousins – eliminated after the Germans in the second round.
Miami spoke to International Olympic Committee members consciences: the city argued that it was simply unfair that Miami has never hosted anything worth while. In a recent survey, 87% of Floridarians are sick of the Disney world stigmatization that has been attached to the peninsula since the late 1940’s.The people want to be recognised for who they really are and not what they sold out to.
“It is a time to address this ‘Goofy’ eyed approach,” America’s charismatic leader, Barak Obama, told the IOC’s members before they voted. “Americans love their food and their sports, this alone should be our case for the starting foundation of the obese Olympics.”
Brought to you by Subway
The ‘Ace of spades’ president disappeared into a huge group hug with the joyous Miami team after IOC president Thomas Kent announced that the city won. Documentary film maker Michael Moore had tears in his eyes as he hugged female pop icon ‘Pink’.
The European-dominated IOC’s last two experiences in the United States were marked by controversy: the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics were sullied by a bribery scandal and logistical problems and a bombing hit the 1996 Games in Atlanta. But after months of hard graft and numerous back handers, it seems that the opening of the obese Olympics finally does belong to the states.
Its plans for a highly compact games, sparing athletes tiring travel by holding all but the ‘crazy golf ‘ within 8km of the city center, were technically appealing. If not Miami, the fuel consumption alone would have crippled the American team budget. Logistical experts estimated that it would have taken at least 3 oil producing middle eastern countries a total of four years to produce enough fuel to fly them across the Atlantic ocean.
According to Olympic organisers, most of the games will be held indoor in the Miami super bowl. Darts, Sumo wresting, bowling, chess and crazy golf are all set to be in the top rated events in the 2012 obese games.
The Obese Olympics will stake place in October 2012.