Gardai Say 78pc Of Drink-Drivers Are Complete Dickheads


THE MAJORITY of all motorists arrested for drink-driving are complete dickheads warned a Garda chief today.

The shocking disclosure comes as concern escalates over the number of dickheads being killed on our roads.

Last year alone, 1,400 people were arrested for drink-driving, mainly in the early hours of the morning. Of these, 1092 were said to be complete and utter dickheads.

Patrick Murphy, the Garda commissioner in charge of the Traffic Corps, warned yesterday that gardai believed drink-driving was among the top causes of drink driving related road accidents in this country.

Confirming the figures, Murphy said there was an urgent need for information and awareness campaigns to reach dickhead drivers, many of whom are already lacking common sense and responsibility.

Road safety experts and gardai believe that, when a dickhead drinks and drives, they immediately don’t give a flying fuck when they get behind the wheel, leaving them prone to crashing at high speeds into innocent road users and large trees.

The safety council says it also fears that the number of dickheads being killed in crashes here will dramatically increase the over-all death toll for the year and make the RSA look really crap at their job.

RSA chairperson Gay Byrne said today: “We need to make these dickheads aware of the consequences of drink driving. They are not only ruining it for the other 22% of drink drivers who are not dickheads, they are also ruining it for the Irish road safety council.

“We have targets to meet here. Everyone thinks this is a cushy number, but its not. If we don’t meet our targets at the end of the year we ………am…well, we look bad!”

With over a quarter of road deaths now among the dickhead community, there is concern among the Gardai that the recent campaign maybe falling on deaf dickhead ears.

Garda commissioner Murphy said earlier today: “It’s simple. If you’re one of the many dickheads out there, please don’t drink and drive. Dickheads should never get behind the wheel when drunk.Alright dickheads?”

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