Portlaw Man Charged With Sex With Own Hand

A CATHOLIC man from Portlaw pleaded guilty yesterday before Waterford Circuit Criminal Court to four sample counts of self incest involving one of his hands.

The people of Portlaw were left devastated after the grisly news was read out by the village mayor, Thomas Burke.

“How could someone do this to themselves? This is absolutely disgusting!” said one neighbour.

The man, who may not be named by order of Judge Michael Harnett in order to protect the identity of his family, pleaded guilty to two sample counts of sexual misconduct with himself and two sample counts of indecent behaviour which were committed in the wooded area of Portlaw on various dates between January 1965 and March 1993.

The man was arrested shortly after he confessed to his parish priest about his fascination with his own right hand. The priest immediately informed local authorities about the man after he ‘spilled the beans’ on his own disturbing antics.

“Who knows how long this is going on for” stated Fr. Patrick Meagher “He was always such a quiet man. Kept to himself. Worked hard in the local creamery. When I think about it now I start to feel sick, i’ll never eat dairy products ever again” he added.

On the application of both defence and prosecution teams, Judge Harnett adjourned sentencing until February 20th. He placed the accused Portlaw man on the Sex Offenders Register.